THURMONT, MD—Predicting a landmark diplomatic breakthrough in the historically bitter and contentious relationship, President Barack Obama said Wednesday he has high hopes for talks this week at Camp David intended to ease tensions with the coyote population.
The three-day summit, attended by top U.S. officials and leading members of the coyote community, is the first in a series of peace negotiations aimed at resolving decades of bloody strife between the wild canine species and the American people. Aides said the two parties would seek to address a lengthy list of grievances, including outrage among the coyote delegation over thousands of deaths in recent years at the hands of American hunters and speeding cars, as well as mounting anger from the Obama administration regarding coyotes’ persistent attacks on U.S. livestock and a continuing string of antagonistic trash can topplings.
“Though we come from vastly different cultures, social backgrounds, and taxonomic ranks, coyotes and Americans are united by a shared desire to coexist peacefully on the hiking trails and campsites of this great land,” Obama told reporters in a morning press conference at the presidential retreat as he stood alongside the U.S. delegation and a pack of coyote dignitaries. “After years of strained relations, and small incidents that have boiled over into larger ones, the time has come to address the violence and killing on both sides.”
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“If we define an American fascist as one who in case of conflict puts money and power ahead of human beings, then there are undoubtedly several million fascists in the United States. There are probably several hundred thousand if we narrow the definition to include only those who in their search for money and power are ruthless and deceitful.” The Danger of American Fascism, Henry A. Wallace, 1944